Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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