What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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