No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
