So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
