some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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