put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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