I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
