Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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