Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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