dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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