i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
