i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
