well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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