If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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