The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
