what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
