I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
