so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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