Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
