Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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