Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
