Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
