READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
