Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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