if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
