My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
