i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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