Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize