Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
