he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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