that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
