why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
