I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize