so that wasnt chicken after all
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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