New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
