What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
