SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
