Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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