nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
