My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
