i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We left the knife in your bed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
