Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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