whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
