He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
