I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
