She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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