my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
