Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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