No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
