We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize