listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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