How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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