i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
