I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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