You're so nebulous sometimes
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
