found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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