I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
