You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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