I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
