dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
