Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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