The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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