Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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