He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize