I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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