you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
