I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
