If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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