then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
