If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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