It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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