Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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