u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
