I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
