When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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