xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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