I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
