I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My balls are so social today.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize